Today has been somewhat lousy and I'm in a lousy mood. I had a tournament today and at first I was pretty apathetic to the whole thing but now it's making me a little angry. I feel like in so many things I do, I give up before it starts. I wasn't really dissatisfied with my performance, maybe I'm just grumpy because I didn't get much sleep last night. There seemed to be a lousy mood pervading our crew at the tournament but we all covered it up with smiles and our enthusiastic greeting, 'osu.' I don't care for these tournaments, I don't care for the all the politics behind them. People favoring students from their own school, teachers with old grudges using their students to settle the score and show whose the best. Chojun Miyagi would be sorely disappointed at this defamation of such a great art. An art built on ethics of courtesy and respect. But all of this gets lost in this foolish competition. Karate isn't just about skills, it's about character. I went up to everyone who I competed against whether or not I thought I agreed with the judges decision and congratulated them on their technique. I bowed to the sensei who doesn't like me simply because of who I train under. If he won't show respect, then I will because that is who I am and I won't degrade my character because someone else degrades theirs. One of the main reasons why I train is because I meet some of the most open minded people and I get to share and learn from them. I will spar anyone, regardless of style, in my dojo until we both drop. Why? Not to try and prove that I'm better but to learn from them and hope that they can learn from me. I placed second in kata, everyone I spoke to says that the main judge favored his son and screwed me over because I trained under the person that I do. Everyone saw it, and a few people asked me why I wasn't angry. Because I don't do kata for the judges, I do it for myself. I honestly don't think I would have cared if I actually got first. I don't know where else to go with this, I just know it's left me with a bad taste in my mouth. It's also motivation for me to strive to be a karateka not just of skill, but of character.