I haven't written in a while, mainly because I've been running around trying to see everyone before I leave for my new temporary home in Oswego. Aside from visiting people, doing volunteer and paid labor, I've been training a lot and reading a few new books on martial arts. I'm so humbled by some people's detertiminaton. Ever since I got by black belt I felt like I've started over. The pressure of having to work towards that one decisive day is off my shoulders and my training has become more liberated. I find as a result of this, I'm pushing myself harder, I want to set an example for those who also want to pursue karate and the promotion to shodan has simply motivated to go beyond what I was striving for. Passing the test didn't give me the confidence to look at others and think 'I can kick his ass, and his ass...' it gave me the fuel to keep going further in my training. I want to learn more, I still feel like a child in so many ways to the world of martial arts and that comforts me. There are so many people to learn from (martial artist or not) and I want to keep learning. I parallel a lot of things in my life to karate. Karate isn't my religion, it's just my way. My way of conducting myself, my way of believing in myself, my way of trying to stay open to others, my way of treating others with courtesy and respect.

I've also found that I've returned to a lot of my spiritual roots since I've been home. I visited my old church and sat in my favorite room; the shrine. It's a small circular room with one bench in the center and red candles everywhere, there is a statue of Saint Jude (after whom the church is named). I had forgotten how much I need to go there and just sit in silence. It's in silent moments that I feel in touch with God that I take time to open my mind and heart and really listen. I'm not trying to preach to anyone, I'm just writing about what brings me peace. I think I will start doing things like this more often. The monotony of life can drive a person mad if you don't take time to cleanse the soul (however you choose to do it).

I love thunderstorms and one just started here, I think I'm gonna go sit and watch the rain.

Commencement


I'm graduating tomorrow and I have learned many things in my time here. I'm a lot different than I thought I was because I am, to a large degree, who I've always been.

Sho-dan. I attained that rank on Wed. after a 4 1/2 hour test. I've never felt so tired and beat up as I did after I did that. I walked away with several bruises, a sprained wrist, and a limp - not too bad. I feel like this achievement was hardly an individual one because I spent time praying before (cheesy? maybe), I read bible passages that my father told me to read when I was nervous, I had the support of many wonderful people. All in all, this test showed me how blessed I am as far as my girl friend and family. Of course when I say family I mean blood-related and otherwise. People helped me to train when I wouldn't have, my sensei's motivation and help in and out of the dojo has helped me in more ways than I can say, and the people who came and watched me and cheered me on and told me I could do it. Is this victory mine? Partially. God has blessed me with the opportunity to train with a great instructor, great people, and blessed me with a great group of friends. What was going to stop me with that kind of backing? All I kept thinking when I sat in front of the black belts after the test was how lucky I was (and how exhausted I was). Thank you all for the pep talks, the jokes, the silent support I felt whenever I looked in your direction, the love, thank You God for everything that I have (all of which I'm not sure how I earned). I love you all and thank you. I apologize if this sounded like a Grammy award acceptance speech, but I needed to convey how grateful I am and always wil be.