This is really long...

A Deeper Surrender

"18As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demonpossessed begged to go with him. 19Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." Mark 5:18-19

"15 O Lord, open my lips,and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are [a] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." - Psalm 51:15-17

Many times in as young Christians we become fixated with sacrifice. Now, I’m not downplaying the significance of sacrifice, I want to address what I am learning it to be. Frequently in the bible people look to the disciples who left their lives and everything they knew when Jesus said, "follow Me." At some point, we’re called to follow Him, to set everything aside, realize the futility of this life and all that is has to offer and cry out ‘Your will be done.’ We latch onto Jesus putting all else to the way side to be everything we can be for Him. The motives are mostly right and I have faith that God works with that. What is often forgotten is that God does not "delight in sacrifice," the true sacrifices of God are "a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51:16-17). God demands our hearts but He does not demand other things, like "burnt offerings" or things that we have. He needs nothing, the sacrifice of His only begotten Son was the perfect sacrifice and it is our continuous acceptance of that sacrifice and our identification with it and Christ that He wants. Jesus called the twelve disciples specifically, He didn’t stand somewhere and say ‘I need twelve, so whose with Me?’ He approached each of them in their individual circumstances and called them. When Jesus and the disciples were in Gerasenes, Jesus cast demons out of a tormented man and put them into swine who threw themselves from a cliff (Mark 5). This man ran towards Jesus, threw himself at His feet and cried "what do you want of me, Jesus, Son of the most high God?" after being delivered of his torment the man was very thankful and he begged Jesus to go with Him (Mark 5:18). Jesus didn’t say come and follow me, He "did not let him, but said ‘Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.’" (Mark 5:19). He wasn’t demanding that man leave his life and family, but to be with them and be a light unto them. What was important was the man’s broken heart and spirit and his willingness to do anything that Jesus said. Peter declared, "we have left everything to follow you" (Mark 10:28) and "I will never disown you" (Mark 26:35). Indeed, Peter had left everything to follow Jesus but he took pride in his devotion and denied Jesus and fell asleep in the garden. He also sliced off the guard’s ear, what does this tell you? He saw what he had given up and he had an elitist attitude as a result. So did John when he said he saw someone casting out demons in Jesus’ name and they tried to stop him, but Jesus said "do not stop him...for whoever is not against you is for you" (Luke 9:50).

To take up your cross and to love not your life is a little different for everyone. It is the surrender of your heart, your dreams, your desires - your will. When you have done that, you have accepted the sacrifice of Christ, the power of sin has been broken and you are now a slave to righteousness (Romans 6:17-18). Surrender is done daily, it is continually surrendering in faith your heart and being obedient to God out of love and devotion. From that, we cut the things which don’t bring fruit out of our lives. The more we align ourselves with Christ the less we will want those things. We are commanded to do all to the glory of God, that doesn’t mean everything we do has to be hard. When we sacrifice that which isn’t asked to be sacrifice we are taking control from God, essentially saying "you didn’t ask for this but I’m giving it up to make myself grow."

Is there a time for fasting? Of course. Those temporary times are times when we seek God for Him and Him alone. When we return to the point of it all, which is that Jesus is everything. It’s a time when we reevaluate how we might have gone astray, what isn’t bringing fruit to our lives anymore, and what we’ve outgrown. These are times like the man in Gerasenes when we run to Jesus and fall at His feet and He might ask you to go somewhere, or having gotten right with Him, He might say ‘go back to where you were.’ Whether you’re asked to go somewhere or go back isn’t the point, it’s that you’re being obedient to God. Maybe during this time we’ve spent less time with people or doing certain things, at the end of this we can go back to the things which Christ allows us to have but with a different attitude. Paul writes about our individual walk in Romans 14, "one man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God." Paul goes on to explain that this is the reason why Christ died, for this reason Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living." You cannot judge others based on the sacrifices of your walk with Christ, for "everyone will give an account for himself" before God. However, if you’re doing something that is a "stumbling block" to someone else’s walk you should put away around him/her out of love for that person so that you are not a hindrance to them, "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way" (14:13). Paul writes that "nothing in and of itself is unclean except to him that esteems it to an unclean level" (14:14). If someone else considers something unclean, out of respect and love for them refrain from it in their presence. For those that consider something unclean consider that someone who you know that does it might not have esteemed it to an unclean level as you have in your walk. This section of the letter however comes after Paul writes about being a living sacrifice and being responsible towards higher powers. The things Paul talks about in Romans 14 are, I believe, what you do for fun or recreation, which are important. If you don’t take time to rest, to enjoy things that God has blessed you with (doing them to His glory) you will burn out, you’ll fail. These things cannot take precedence over or negatively affect things like your devotional time with God, your service to the body, your relationships with family and friends, and your responsibilities towards people in authority.

True surrender is an act of complete obedience, in that obedience there are sacrifices but sacrifice isn’t always obedience, let God lead and follow obediently laying aside things which He asks you to. Do no more and no less because in either case it’s you trying to be in control of the rate of your growth.

So, I don't know how this fast is going for others but it's been a real blessing for me. God has been clarifying a lot of things for me, including more incite to my calling and I'm stoked. I know part of what I feel I'm called to do and that is defend the faith with my writing. I'm tired of hearing over and over again that someone read one line from the bible in a book or heard it from a friend who saw it somewhere and then form a whole opinion based on that. I can say "the newspaper is only about sports and nothing else," then pick up the sports section and say "ah ha!" That's not me wanting to see the newspaper for what it is, it's me wanting to just feel right. The newspaper is supposed to be there to deliver raw, honest news. Some things people want to hear and some things people don't but it doesn't change the reality that these things happen. The bible is God's most raw, authoritative, and honest way of communicating with people. It tells us many encouraging things and it tells things that we don't want to hear because He is perfect love and love is honest. The bible isn't there to support to support what I think, it's there to change the way I think. Obviously, I would use scripture to back up a point that I'm making but what I'm saying has to align itself with scriptural truth first and foremost. It's not just knowing sripture either, Satan tried to misuse scripture to tempt Jesus (Luke 4:10-11). It is possible to know the teachings of Jesus, but not really know Him. If you really know Him your relationship with Him is intimate.

I am going to the Union tonight to evangelize, I don't like first contact evangelizm, I am more of a one on one person. My calling doesn't seem to be geared towards that but then again I really don't know, do I? I know what led me to God but to assume that is the same path for everyone isn't right. I felt God pressing in on me to be there, to put off my ideas of how the gospel should be spread and trust that He can use anything. Do I agree with everything about first contact evangelism? No, but it's not about me and there are shortcomings in every calling, that is why we're a body with different functions. When I taught karate, I had to know all the techniques. I was really good at some and others I hated, I thought they were useless. I still had to know them well enought to teach them to a beginner so I didn't limit them. I hated back kicks but then I'd see someone who was devastating with them and I'd think "one of these beginners might be geared towards that." It's our responsibility to try everything to go beyond what we think God wants to use and really just get out there and do it. I don't have to be the best evangelist, I just have to try and have faith that God will use it whether I see the results or not. If you believe that "the word of God is living, and powerful, and sharperthan any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit" then you must believe that when the gospel is shared in any situation with a spirit of charity it will not be for nothing (Hebrews 4:12). What I say to someone might not have any impact for years but even them giving it a passing thought when times get tough is something, better than nothing. I don't even know myself what affect the gospel has on me sometimes so I won't presume to know the affect it will have one someone else.

I like Djere's quote the other day, "Jesus didn't say, 'c'mon and follow Me, it'll be a hoot!"

I'm reading a book called, The Case for Christ, by Lee Strobel. Strobel was an athiest journalist who set out to investigate the gospels and their historical accuracy and any other corroborative evidence supporting or disproving their validity. It includes his interview with leading biblical scholars and archeologists and it's awesome so far. And yes, he ends up becoming a Christian. I highly recommend it.

So, holy crap. God lays a message on my heart before the meeting tonight (conveniently located at 213 Hewett Union at 7pm every Tuesday) about faith. Jesus stated three times Matthew 9 that miraculous things were based on people's faith in Him. He didn't just up and do things, He demanded faith and He is demanding it now. So I bring the message to Djere, God puts another verse on Djere's heart and we share the message with everyone before worship. Worship starts and God's presence is strong. Why? Because people were believing. I thought to myself, "what would I do right now if I was completely convinced that Jesus was here?" My attention went to Cheryl who said a few hours prior that she had strep throat and couldn't really talk, much less sing. I was moved to pray for healing for her and stupid doubts came up that insisted that I didn't know her well enough and all that guff. I told the enemy to shut his pie hole and walked over to her and asked if she minded if I prayed for her. I did and a few minutes later I look up and she is singing. She said to me after the meeting that her throat got better enough to sing and worship after we had prayed. Take that as you will.

I was praying that God would draw people who had never been to BASIC as I'm sure others were. I envisioned it, I open my eyes and there were three people that came in and sat in the back. Brand. Spankin.' New. Take that as you will.

I'm excited to see what happens when we all really start raising our faith because I'm feeling that that was cake. God wants to do really awesome things and He is going to do it. Whether we're the ones who raise the faith or others it's going to be done. I say we hop on the bus headed for revival. This is just the beginning, praise God.

I wrote a short story that I thought about posting, it's an ode to Valentine's day. I'm still considering whether or not I want to put it in here...

umm that's it for now...

I love this song

Jars Of Clay»
Jealous KindI built another temple to a stranger I gave away my heart to the rushing wind I set my course to run right into danger Sought the company of fools instead of friends You know I've been unfaithful Lovers in lines While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind I chose the gallows to the aisle Thought that love would never find Hanging ropes will never keep you And your love of a jealous kind Love of a jealous kind Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading For solace in the shift of the sinking sand I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand 'Cause I don't understand One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies And breaks the back of foolish pride

I'm finding that when you really want to hear from God, He speaks. When I really seek God for nothing other than His face He reveals Himself. Suddenly, He doesn't stop talking and I love it but it's exhausting. Good thing all I have to do is rely on Him and He'll caryy me through it all. I've been having so many vivid dreams and more of a sensitivity to His guidance and it's just...great. God does bless people but when you really seek Him (not just for His blessings) just for Him He blesses you with just that. The more I make my walk about Him the more blessed it gets...and harder. I really believe this is definitely a matter of chosing your own level surrender. How much of my willingness will I give to Him? We have callings and dreams but are we willing to be a doormatt for His glory? Sometimes I think there is a tendency to have a dream that seems Godly but really has our best interests ar heart. Are we willing to be the ones tread and stomped for the benefit of others? The ones who get little, if any, praise from men? It's in God's will for some people to live to a ripe old age with a nice house and tons of kids and grandkids and they might be very surrendered, decdicated servants. There are also those who deliver powerful messages, lay their lives down and aren't remembered. I'm not saying God thinks, "I like people who suffer like this." God doesn't want people proving their love by putting themselves through hell. He wants people who are so surrendered, so committed to Him that Christ can be seen in them wherever that leads them. There is no lack of devotion on His part, there is only an unwillingness on our part to let Him have the inner most desires of our hearts. The goal of this isn't my devotion to Him but to show the world how dedicated and faithful Christ is.

Firstly, let me say that Sunday's service at New Covenant was phenominal. God's presence was overwhelming and there was much victory in people's lives. People laughed and cried during worship and it was just beyond words.


Secondly, I heard of this fast until March 8th and at first I thought maybe I'd go Samali with the boys but I felt led in a different direction. So, I'm going Amish. Well, not completely, but where it really counts. I'm fasting from TV until March 8th (two days after my b day). No, this doesn't mean I can't be in a room with a TV, it means I don't give it my attention and if that means leaving the room than so be it. No video games, movies (TV or cinema), or Simpsons. Paul, if you're reading this, I apologize that the New York Samurai will have to do without me for the next month. I figure this will free up my time to do some writing and more in depth study and, well, on the whole TV doesn't bring all that much fruit to my life anyways. I have a distinct feeling that at the end of this I won't feel much of a need for it (with the exception of NFL Fever 2004, the Samurai are too close to my heart).


Thirdly, I need a haircut...maybe a shave, too.

I’m mad as heck, and I’m not gonna take it anymore.

Yesterday’s service at New Covenant and other subsequent messages that I’ve gotten are starting to really culminate in my life. I realized that instead of standing in defiance to the enemy and being on my face before God I do the reverse. Getting impatient with God’s progress in me is me wanting to take control, charging head long into battle and falling butt over tea kettle in the face of adversity. I’m going to use the second person pronoun here, but realize that I’m talking to myself, or, allowing God to speak to me. If this speaks to you, awesome. If not, awesome.

Listen, the problems you face aren’t from God. God isn’t a divine bully, He isn’t a cruel master, He is my rock, He is a "strong tower: the righteous runneth into it and is safe" (Proverbs 18:10). God allows things to exist for your growth, He wants you to rely on Him. Growth is painful, there is no getting around it. This world sucks so forth and so on but God didn’t make it bad, we did. In the beginning God made everything and "it was good" (Genesis 1, seen a bunch of times). Paul illustrated the difference between being troubled and being defeated: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed" (2 Cor 4). It’s ok to be angry, confused, and sad but with these emotions comes the temptation to distrust God. Jesus didn’t say ‘my office hours are between 9 and 5,’ He said "I will NEVER leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). He also said that NOTHING in all creation is able to separate us from His love in Christ (Romans 8). If you’ve accepted Christ and surrendered your life to Him, than it’s His and you have to trust that He knows your growth and He knows what you can handle. You’re no longer against God so stop resisting Him. He wants to make you perfect and nothing in all of creation will stop Him except your decision to not let Him. "Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as He is pure" (1 John 3:2-3). When you stop trusting in God you walk away from Him. It starts in your mind, perverts your heart, then dictates your actions. When you’re walking closely with God and you sin you know right away. When you’re not walking with Him you’re walking into darkness and you won’t know what makes you stumble (proverbs, somewhere). When you believe He has left you, you’re really turning your back on Him, so stop blaming Him, stop blaming yourself, stop blaming others. Blame gets you nowhere. If peace isn’t ruling your heart then get aggressive. As I struggled in my mind yesterday and I got angrier and suddenly I felt as though God stopped me and asked "Bry, why are you taking this from him (the enemy)?"

I come from a background that is a bit legalistic and lacking in grace. So I tend to get critical with myself. I gave up a lot when I got saved and it was necessary for a period but after a while I felt God say "I told you to sin no more, I didn’t say to stop being alive." There are two types of fear, the fear of the Lord and the fear that has no place in a heart surrendered to Christ. Proverbs says a number of times that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Fear of the Lord is awe, it should result in deeper love, devotion, and worship of God. God lets us know what happens if we deny Him and it isn’t pretty but He has to make it clear. I know it’s a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God, trust me. You realize your sinfulness, your wretchedness. However, when you surrender to Jesus that isn’t who you are anymore. Ahem, again, that isn’t who you are anymore. He changes your heart and your desires. If your fear of God leads to resentment that isn’t Godly fear. If you serve God out of fear of punishment you’re not trusting in the fact that your sins are forgiven. This is the difference between a martyr and a self-proclaimed martyr. Someone with enough devotion to lay his/her life down for God trusts Him so implicitly that they "take no thought" for their lives. They don’t worry that God will make them do this or that because they trust that nothing in the past, present, or the future will separate them from the love of God (Romans 8).

The thing that trips most people up is that God is completely devoted to them, not because He needs to be, He needs no one, but because He wants to be. Blows my mind. We have a hard time trusting in the fact that He simply loves you that much because of our tainted experiences with love and devotion in the world. He created me and then He came and died for me, in some part of me that makes perfect sense and in another part of me it doesn’t. The new man and the old man.

The difference between dead religions and real Christianity is this: it isn’t just a set of rules it’s the deepest relationship you can ever have. From that relationship, the rules get written on your heart. The more you love God the more you will want to obey Him.

You have God living inside you, the God of all creation is with you. There is a difference between being unsure or having a bad day/week/month/year but still having the peace of Christ ruling in your heart and being tormented. You don’t have to take it, so don’t. You have weapons to fight with, your feelings might not change in that moment but that is where faith comes in. Don’t let the enemy knock you down, he’s already been defeated, so lay the sucker out. God gives you what you need to get out of whatever situation you’re in and the only way you won’t get out of your hole is if you believe that He can’t get you out of it. If your trust isn’t in God, you’ll have a hard time loving Him, yourself and others. Loving everyone and God is interconnected no matter which way you look at it. You can’t profess to love God and treat others badly and you can’t really love others the way Christ did unless you really love Him.

my sister's awesome. God's doing great stuff in her life. and she's awesome. if you read this, Melissa, this is for you. thank you for being my sister.