I had stuff that I was going to put in here, but I figured I'm just going to write. It's amazing how littleI care about the things in front of me...maybe "care" is too strong of a word, more like "anxious." God is my reality and at this point when it becomes a choice between God and other things I feel like asking, what choice do I have really? I feel like I've been going through this Job-like internal experience. God has just closed doors allowed circumstances to really press in on me and for a while I was feeling real kicked around, I had to really fight by clinging to the promises of God - He is the only reason why I'm not defeated. I'm at a more peaceful time after all the crap and you know what the best part is? my circumstances haven't really changed, God has taught me to look squarely at Him and find peace right where I am, I don't have to scramble for it by looking to anything here, it really becomes a matter of choice. Pastor Stahl told me that as we get closer to God we see more of our sinfulness and I definitely saw it and grieved over it. I know that seeing my potential for evil apart from the grace of God but choosing to believe that I'm wholly accepted and loved because of Christ is one of the keys to seeing sin in others but hoping for them anyway. I'm a work far from completion, because I'm slow, but to say I haven't grown lately would be an insult to God because it's all because of Him. I know I've grown because simply I love God more, I trust Him more. my reality has been juxtaposed so much so that I have a dettachment to everything and God is more and more becoming my stability. too often I see in popular books or churches a user-friendly Christianity in which it talks only about purpose, peace, and joy. yes to all that, but Christ came to save a lost world, to restore a broken relationship with the Father and that brings the greatest peace and joy and it is the one true purpose for a human being but it involves a lot of pain. Job was brought to a point where he said even if God slew him he would still hope in Him - now that is faith. that kind of work isn't something you can just work up, it's constant surrender. my life is in God's hands but everything else is subject to rearrangement to God's plan of revealing Himself to me and then me showing Him to others.
I'm working on being a teacher, not an infant. it's not about asking whether God is for me or am I still saved, it's living "up to what we have already attained" (philippians 3:15). What have I attained? I can sum it up with this verse, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'yes' in Christ. and so through Him the 'amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, gauranteeing what is to come." (1 cor :20-22). Seek God at all times and we won't be the people being spoken of in Hebrews 5 who need the basic teachings of God taught to us all over again when things get tough. Believe it, use your will because our will, our ability to choose is what makes us in the image of God. Love, hope, joy, peace, and faith are largely a matter of choice. Even asking for faith is stepping out in faith because if there was no reason to believe then you wouldn't be asking God for faith in the first place. Trust me, you have all the faith you need. we put our faith in things all the time that don't deserve it. the bible is pretty clear on choosing and not choosing Jesus and it's also clear for the believer that he will be tested. 2 Corinthians 3:12-15 talks about building on your foundation and that what you build will be tested and, if you so desire (and if you desire this, I wonder if you honestly know Christ) you can be saved by the skin of your teeth. I'm not interested in the milk, I belong to Jesus, there is no option of turning back or glancing over my shoulder wondering if God is mad at me, all the wrath of the Father is satisfied with the acceptance of Christ. any disciplining we go through now is out of love because our Father delights in us (proverbs 3). and if Christ had to learn obedience through suffering that means we do too (hebrews 4 or 5). it's odd how so many Christians take God's rebuking as condemnation. the more important and grand we are in our own eyes, the more we're actually trying to be like the great I AM and not like Christ. one of the best things God can do is show you worth by yourself, else we would set out to take on everything and get crushed. If we're going to trust Him as our refuge than we have no really see that there is no true safety except in Him.
There are times when God has to get a hold of us, like children who have to have a bottle put to their lips. but if God is in us willing us to act "according to His good purpose" than we have to start choosing to seek Him for no other reason to do so, so as to model Jesus. it's about rousing yourself in your devotions, being blatantly honest in prayer and when the Spirit leads you to something you go for it with reckless abandon. and no, it's not always comfortable, but that's why we "work out our salvation with fear and trembling" (Phil 2:12). we don't face trials here because we probably couldn't handle it, because we're seeking God when we have to or only when we "feel led." do it all the time in all that you do ask for a revelation of God in whatever you're doing. I want to be like Jacob who really reached out and wrestled with God, the most dangerous times are the mundane periods when we can fall asleep in the comfort of lukewarmness. we have traces of the truth in our culture with Jesus conveniently left out and I honestly believe it's partly because of dilluted truth in the church. I believe leaders have to stop wanting to be right and starting wanting Jesus to be glorified and then the body will work together because we'll all finally be listening to the head.
I know my posts are long, not sure how many people still read this, if you did than I pray that some part of this babble blessed you. good night.