I haven't posted in a while, so I figured I would now. I actually did make a really long post a few weeks back. I put so much thought into it, I sited articles as if it were a paper, I talked about religion and social movements and then my computer froze and it was all for naught. But that's life and I suppose it wasn't a complete waste of time, I still remember everything I typed so maybe I'll do it again on some rainy day. Basically, this post was to praise the post that never got to be. I might not do it again, because now you obviously expect a lot and the post wouldn't live up to your standards. Screw you for judging him, I'm not going to create him now, better for him to live happy and free of the standards you set for him. Better for him to remain not created then to stumble through this cruel world like an untied shoe.


I. am. odd.

I haven't updated in a while, I don't plan on saying much right now because I don't want to discuss the particular issues that are at the forefront of my mind here. Anywho, this year is winding down quite fast and that doesn't scare me too much anymore. Ah fuck it, this is all I have to say right now.

Today has been somewhat lousy and I'm in a lousy mood. I had a tournament today and at first I was pretty apathetic to the whole thing but now it's making me a little angry. I feel like in so many things I do, I give up before it starts. I wasn't really dissatisfied with my performance, maybe I'm just grumpy because I didn't get much sleep last night. There seemed to be a lousy mood pervading our crew at the tournament but we all covered it up with smiles and our enthusiastic greeting, 'osu.' I don't care for these tournaments, I don't care for the all the politics behind them. People favoring students from their own school, teachers with old grudges using their students to settle the score and show whose the best. Chojun Miyagi would be sorely disappointed at this defamation of such a great art. An art built on ethics of courtesy and respect. But all of this gets lost in this foolish competition. Karate isn't just about skills, it's about character. I went up to everyone who I competed against whether or not I thought I agreed with the judges decision and congratulated them on their technique. I bowed to the sensei who doesn't like me simply because of who I train under. If he won't show respect, then I will because that is who I am and I won't degrade my character because someone else degrades theirs. One of the main reasons why I train is because I meet some of the most open minded people and I get to share and learn from them. I will spar anyone, regardless of style, in my dojo until we both drop. Why? Not to try and prove that I'm better but to learn from them and hope that they can learn from me. I placed second in kata, everyone I spoke to says that the main judge favored his son and screwed me over because I trained under the person that I do. Everyone saw it, and a few people asked me why I wasn't angry. Because I don't do kata for the judges, I do it for myself. I honestly don't think I would have cared if I actually got first. I don't know where else to go with this, I just know it's left me with a bad taste in my mouth. It's also motivation for me to strive to be a karateka not just of skill, but of character.